australia for three weeks is good. i came back happier, more independent, and although i still feel the same about us, i feel good enough to drink, get high, without wanting to cry.

but now, it has been 2 weeks since i am back and i would kill to go back to australia, to escape from these complications, these thoughts, the pain. an escape.

this time for sure i am going to move on, but not by stopping my feelings for you, but by burying them so deep that one day even I would be fooled by my mind that you don't mean anything to me.

and sometimes, just sometimes, like nights like this, i will listen to some songs, and.. reminsence, think to myself, and hug myself to sleep with a heavy heart.

mood: crappy

i remember that one stupid argument was the only time we quarrelled and where you threatened to leave. it was probably this that got us together .

 

but the main point was that i couldn't stop crying. i felt terrible and i just didn't want to go home. remembering my close friend who stayed near where i was , was what saved me.

 

you got my best friend against me and on your side and when i desperately needed someone to tell me it wasn't my fault, my closest friend was there. someone i didn't expect to depend on regarding matters of the heart.

 

and all my friend did was sat there, gave me the warmest embrace, gave me tissues and listened. the friend even.volunteered to skip work for me despite needing the money and all.

 

that short 15 minutes or so was the point where i decided 'i am never going to do anything to destroy what and this friend have. and i am going to be his closest female companion and if any girl decides to break his heart , i will break her head '

 

love you Ali, i am so glad that despite being one of the bestest catch in the school, we still are able to remain friends. and you always somehow manage to be like a big brother to me at the same time

 

forever and always, your friend

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